Remembering my Dad
In Hispanic families, we don’t talk about death.
And talking about Life Insurance? No way. Why would you bet on someone dying? You see, in our culture, it is all about family and we take care of each other through thick and thin, and don’t consider things that are a benefit to someone’s passing.
But when I met my wife who works in the insurance industry, and she insisted I get a life insurance policy, I agreed. Wife happy, life happy, right? I trusted her, and since she believed in it so much we both put policies in place, but I didn’t think much about it. We are young and have a lifetime ahead of us.
My dad loved my wife. He loved everybody. In fact, he would give everything he had, all the time, to his family and friends. On payday, it was steak dinners all around, or anything else someone he loved wanted. He may end up with no money the next day, but that’s how he chose to live– as if every day was a celebration, because any day could be his last.
His last day seemed so far away, but those steak dinners caught up with him. He became diabetic, uncontrolled, and started to have heart problems. Deep in my gut I knew his days were numbered, I didn’t want to look at that though. This is my dad. I wanted to look at him and love him and enjoy every moment with him without thinking about him ever being gone. When your growing up, dads are like super heroes. You never want to lose that feeling that they are invincible.
My wife, believing in life insurance as much as she did, took it as her personal mission to convince my mom and dad to do the unspeakable – take out a life insurance policy on my dad. My mom loves my wife too, and trusts her, and even though she didn’t believe in talking about death, especially her husbands, she believed in her daughter in law. She trusted her so much she agreed to get the policy. She would have gotten a policy for herself too, but she couldn’t afford it on top of my dad’s.
A policy on a guy like my dad is expensive. For years, every month, even though there was little that they had extra to spend, my mom made that life insurance payment. They didn’t have a financial plan for the future, and with my dad’s generosity there was very little if any leftover before the next paycheck came in. Like I said, he lived for the moment and for those he loved.
In fact, I remember a week or so before he died a friend from Mexico called him and told him about a family member needing surgery. The surgery cost $700, and they needed help finding the money. My dad took out everything he had in his account, $300, and told them “This is all I have, but don’t worry, I will get you the rest.” He started calling all of the family asking for money. We didn’t know at the time what he was up to – it wasn’t until after he died that we found out he was doing everything he could to help his friend out.
My father died while recovering from open heart surgery. He knew he was high risk, and said goodbye to everyone beforehand in case he didn’t make it. We thought he was being dramatic, or maybe we didn’t want to believe he was so fragile at this point. When the surgery was a success, we thought the worst was over. We didn’t see his death coming 3 days later, while in recovery in the ICU. Although we knew it could happen, it still came as a huge shock and devastation to our family. You are never prepared for something like this.
My mom was bracing for us to tell her something went wrong with the life insurance policy. Even after all those years of payments and faith she still struggled with doubt that the policy wouldn’t pay out. But it did, seamlessly. The weight of losing a family member, the stress of tying up loose ends and going through possessions that make you miss them more, the regrets of what you wish you would have said or done, it’s all really heavy. The peace of mind that the funeral was paid for, that mom would have some financial stability to fall back upon, it is invaluable – the price of the insurance now seems minimal in comparison to what we gained emotionally – and financially.
My mom finally got her own policy – she wants to be sure when she leaves we are okay and the expenses are taken care of. My family has all been calling my wife asking her to help them get policies, after seeing the impact it has had on all of us.
I guess, in that sense, we broke the mold and do talk about death now, but it feels different. It feels like love, and dedication. Together we are making sure everyone is okay. Just like my dad, we will give everything we have for each other – Living for today, but also for tomorrow.